You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
