so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
