I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
