so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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