i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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