Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
