it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
