Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
