I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
