i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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