You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
