Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
