Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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