ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm like, not good at living.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
