i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
