I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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