I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
