All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
