Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
