This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
