i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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