New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
