She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
