yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
