I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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