I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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