All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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