I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
