I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Never underestimate the power of titties
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
