Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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