I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
