Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
