I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
FUCK WHALES
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
