My underwear smells like fireworks.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
