Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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