Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
