Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
