But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
