I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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