Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
