So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
