mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
