I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
