I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
