Non-Jews are for practice
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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