My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
