We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
