I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
