she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
