You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
