I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
