Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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