I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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