Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
