i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
