My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
