Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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