I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
